The most pointless post ever: part one

A week today we get to find out Perry’s sex! Well, I do anyways. I was late booking the ultrasound and had to take what I could get, which ended up being a date that Andrew is out of town for work. So he will be standing by on his cell for me to pass the news along…or not…muahahaha! (gleefully rubs hands together)

Andrew has been predicting a girl for several weeks now, and I have to admit, he had me on that train as well…but lately I’m second guessing that and feeling more of a boy vibe.

Old wives’ tales and techniques for gender prediction abound. So with nothing left to do but wait, I’ve decided to run through a schwack of them and see what the prediction scorecard says leading up to the big reveal.

High or low? If you’re carrying your bump low and out front, it’s a boy. If it’s up high or the weight gain is spread all over, it’s a girl. This one is a bit of a wash for me, because my bump hasn’t really arrived yet, and I managed to actually lose a tiny bit of weight since my last appointment four weeks ago. I do feel thick all over, but I can’t commit to this one. Edge: Even

Chinese Gender Chart. This one is based on your age and the month you conceived in. According to the super reliable online forms I submitted… Edge: Girl

Heart rate. This is a big old myth (until actual labour and birth, when a baby girls’ heart rate will tend to be higher). But as the tale goes, if it’s over 140 it’s a girl, under 140 it’s a boy. What was Perry’s heart rate at my appointment yesterday? 140, of course. Way to be a fence-sitter, little one. However, a month ago it was 155 and at 7 weeks it was 143. So once again…Edge: Girl

Sickness. The sicker you are in the first trimester, the more likely you are carrying a girl. Supposedly. One of the sickest pregos I knew had a boy, so I am highly skeptical of this one. I wasn’t awfully sick in the first trimester. I had a few shady weeks where I puked once or twice a day, and then felt fine right afterwards. And I hated a lot of food. But horribly sick? Not really. Rumour has it that boys make you sick in the morning and girls in the evening…the latter was definitely the case for me. But this one is too close to call. Edge: Even

Cravings. A hankering for sweets indicates a girl, while sour, salty or savoury urges are for boys. I am normally a salty treat girl, with almost no urge for sweets and I still love my chips and fries, but for the first time in my life I have a sweet tooth and I’ve eaten things I would normally never want. So…Edge: Girl

Heel of the bread. This is the weirdest one I’ve ever heard. If you’ll eat the heel (the end piece) of a loaf of bread, it’s a boy. If you won’t, it’s a girl. Who eats the heel of the bread?? That’s unnecessary and gross – pregnant or not. Edge: Girl (and common sense)

Hit with the ugly stick. This one makes me feel great (ha!). The worse you look, the more likely you are having a girl. Specifically, if you have breakouts and dull hair you can blame your daughter for sucking the estrogen (and beauty) out of you. Breakouts – sure – but that’s just my lot in life when I’m not on the Pill, however, earlier this week (way before reading about this) I noticed that my hair is super dull, so that detail intrigues me. Edge: Girl

Hands. If your hands are drier than normal, it’s a boy. Soft hands mean a girl. Edge: Boy (finally!)

To be continued…Coming in part 2: the “ring on a string” test, and TWO pee tests involving Drano and baking soda. I can only take blogging while I’m at work so far…stay tuned for the results and final tally!



What do you want?

This is the question that naturally follows after hearing that we plan on finding out the baby’s sex – which is, in itself, a polarizing choice. Some people are staunchly pro-surprise while others are pro-planning. We are philosophically neither of these; we just want to know because we are curious and impatient. I don’t really see a big planning advantage – how much gendered shit does your newborn need? We’re going unisex on the baby room anyways. Maybe there’s a practical advantage if you had older kids and were hell-bent on knowing exactly how many pink dresses and Barbies to keep vs. give away, but that is clearly not our situation. And I’m not really one for surprises so, whatever. I JUST WANNA KNOW DAMMIT.

Anyways, a lot of people are curious if I have a preference one way or another. I’m curious if I do too. I want to say that I’m ambivalent about it – and that is the right word – but not the way most people typically understand its meaning. We tend to think ambivalence is equivalent to not really caring one way or the other. BUT (boring language lesson time!) ambivalence actually suggests having strong – often conflicting – feelings about two options. And this is exactly what I have.

When I think of girls, I think of the sweetness, the fun dress-up opportunities, the chance to have a peer-like relationship with them in their adulthood, Rory & Lorelai Gilmore (I warned you, Kate) and the general lack of boy grossness. But I also think of the body image issues, the lifelong personal safety concerns that boys don’t have to worry so much about, the perilous mean-girl frenemy dynamics, the ages 13 to 18, and the old “having to worry about every dick in town vs. only one dick” dealio.

When I think of boys, I think of the easygoing, rough-and-tumble nature of boys and their friendships/pursuits, probably never hearing my child say they hate my fucking guts, and the general lack of girl drama. Boys just seem easier in a lot of ways, but I also think there is a lot of important work to be done in the way of teaching boys about respect and behaviour. Are there enough intelligent, socially conscious people out there raising rad little guys who respect women as equals and understand things like consent? I think we could do an okay job of that, and that really appeals to me.

Planning on only one child adds a “this is it” factor to the mix. Andrew grew up with two older brothers and I think it would be really nice for his poor testosterone-trampled mom to finally have a little girl to dote on. For some reason, baseless as it may be, I also feel like singleton girls might have an easier go of it than singleton boys. I guess perhaps I feel that boys need the teasing and roughhousing of a playmate more than girls do? Or that girls are more likely to enjoy solitary play without turning into trenchcoat-wearing weirdos? I don’t know. I can’t really argue this one with any sort of validity. Feel free to set me straight on how totally wrong I’m getting it.

I wonder if I have some kind of subconscious preference that will only reveal itself when we get the news and I am hit with a pang of relief or disappointment – however fleeting. We shall see. If I do, I’ll be honest about it here.

What I do know is that I can see the pros of both sides so clearly that I will be able to validate the shit out of whatever hand we get dealt. A valuable life skill if ever there was one.