Advent Calendar: December 6 & 7

The intention was to photograph the products on my white bathroom tile in one of the only rooms in the house with decent lighting at night. Hundred-year-old houses were not built with overhead wiring, so mine has the shittiest lighting in the world. But as I was lying on the floor I noticed Mr. T looking awfully dapper in the hallway. The camera kept wanting to focus on him instead of the product labels and I had to make a choice…in-focus products or a sharp looking cat? Who am I to fight what the camera loves?

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What you’re sort of seeing is an Inika certified organic eyeliner in Black Caviar and the Paul Mitchell Ultimate Color Repair Triple Rescue thermal protection/shine/conditioning spray with, I shit you not, “Quinoa Color Repair” because apparently there is nothing quinoa isn’t good for. Superfood, indeed.

Advent Calendar: December 4 & 5

Day 4 & 5 included a hair mask (Of sorts) and a skin mask. The Ren Glycolactic Radiance Renewal Mask “formulated to renew the complexion, dramatically improve skin tone and radiance and reduce the appearance of fine lines” and the Redken Diamond Oil Deep Facets which is an “oil enriched intensive treatment for dull/damaged hair. So far I’m happy with the nice mix of hair, skin and makeup products though I’m feeling due for a body product one of these days!

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Opening these every day and then going to work, I haven’t had much of a chance to try them out so I can’t really give any reviews as I go…so I’m thinking I will do a round-up at the end with some comments/critiques…maybe something like my 5 favorite items? Or advent calendar winners and losers? We shall see how it goes!

Advent Calendar: December 3

Day 3 has the GlamGlow Supermud Clearing Treatment which will apparently suck all the crap right out of your pores for the low, low price of $76 for 1.2 oz. (the regular product size) or, $19 which is what my mini tube would cost. I kinda hope I don’t like this one because I could buy over 5 oz. of actual silver for the same price a jar of this costs. This is the most math I’ve done possibly ever. I don’t know why I’m getting all bah-humbuggy about this one.

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Advent Calendar: December 2

Day two brought this Lord & Berry lipgloss in “skin” – which as you might imagine is a sheer, nude shade. Only one more sleep until day 3! I’m also compiling quite the list of regular blog post ideas, so as soon as I have some time to sit down and write (outside the 8 hours a day I spend doing exactly that at work) it will be back to the regular programming.

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The first name ain’t baby. It’s Perry. MISS Perry if you’re nasty.

It’s a girl!

I have no explanation for the fact that I’ve had Janet Jackson’s “Nasty” stuck on a loop in my head for 3 days, but so it has been. Perhaps little baby girl fetus (or the “shetus” – credit to Nicole G.) was trying to tell me that boys drool and girls rule, as the ancient wisdom holds.

The ultrasound was a ton of fun this time around. Baby is much more interesting at this stage (19 weeks), to be sure, but our ultrasound technician made a big difference as well. This one was really friendly and excited about stuff, which made me excited too. She was pointing out body parts and explaining things and providing colour commentary that just made it way more fun and interesting.

The shetus was moving around like crazy – kicking, punching, opening and closing her hands, giving two thumbs-up, pointing with her index finger and somersaulting around. When she took a break to “rest”, she would raise one arm straight up in the air (which is also a really bizarre thing I often do in my sleep, incidentally).

It was cool to make the connection between the physical sensations (which could have been gas bubbles for all I know) and her movements on-screen. Today, the movements have been much more noticeable and I’m not sure if she’s just getting stronger by the day or if it’s that I now know what I’m feeling for that’s made such a big difference overnight. Maybe both. It feels less like flutters/vibrations and more like I’ve swallowed a live (and rather large) goldfish that is vigorously flipping around in a rather small bowl. She seems to like food and is really active after I eat something, and the cats on my belly make her go crazy too. I can’t wait until the kitties can feel her kick/punch them back!

It turns out that I have an anterior (front) positioned placenta, which sort of acts as a buffer between me and the shetus. This can cushion her movements somewhat and explain why the sensations had been so subtle. The way she was going at it in there, I think this could be a good thing for me.

We do have our favourite name picked out (I think?!) but I have been forbidden from discussing it with anyone. Andrew is pretty much the meanest.

With that said, I now present the first baby butt photo. She was mid somersault here – and as a former gymnast, I’d like to see a little more toe-point happening, but we can work on that.

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Other random stats I can remember…heart rate was 144. Foot is 3cm long. She weighs 0.7 lb.

The most pointless post ever: part one

A week today we get to find out Perry’s sex! Well, I do anyways. I was late booking the ultrasound and had to take what I could get, which ended up being a date that Andrew is out of town for work. So he will be standing by on his cell for me to pass the news along…or not…muahahaha! (gleefully rubs hands together)

Andrew has been predicting a girl for several weeks now, and I have to admit, he had me on that train as well…but lately I’m second guessing that and feeling more of a boy vibe.

Old wives’ tales and techniques for gender prediction abound. So with nothing left to do but wait, I’ve decided to run through a schwack of them and see what the prediction scorecard says leading up to the big reveal.

High or low? If you’re carrying your bump low and out front, it’s a boy. If it’s up high or the weight gain is spread all over, it’s a girl. This one is a bit of a wash for me, because my bump hasn’t really arrived yet, and I managed to actually lose a tiny bit of weight since my last appointment four weeks ago. I do feel thick all over, but I can’t commit to this one. Edge: Even

Chinese Gender Chart. This one is based on your age and the month you conceived in. According to the super reliable online forms I submitted… Edge: Girl

Heart rate. This is a big old myth (until actual labour and birth, when a baby girls’ heart rate will tend to be higher). But as the tale goes, if it’s over 140 it’s a girl, under 140 it’s a boy. What was Perry’s heart rate at my appointment yesterday? 140, of course. Way to be a fence-sitter, little one. However, a month ago it was 155 and at 7 weeks it was 143. So once again…Edge: Girl

Sickness. The sicker you are in the first trimester, the more likely you are carrying a girl. Supposedly. One of the sickest pregos I knew had a boy, so I am highly skeptical of this one. I wasn’t awfully sick in the first trimester. I had a few shady weeks where I puked once or twice a day, and then felt fine right afterwards. And I hated a lot of food. But horribly sick? Not really. Rumour has it that boys make you sick in the morning and girls in the evening…the latter was definitely the case for me. But this one is too close to call. Edge: Even

Cravings. A hankering for sweets indicates a girl, while sour, salty or savoury urges are for boys. I am normally a salty treat girl, with almost no urge for sweets and I still love my chips and fries, but for the first time in my life I have a sweet tooth and I’ve eaten things I would normally never want. So…Edge: Girl

Heel of the bread. This is the weirdest one I’ve ever heard. If you’ll eat the heel (the end piece) of a loaf of bread, it’s a boy. If you won’t, it’s a girl. Who eats the heel of the bread?? That’s unnecessary and gross – pregnant or not. Edge: Girl (and common sense)

Hit with the ugly stick. This one makes me feel great (ha!). The worse you look, the more likely you are having a girl. Specifically, if you have breakouts and dull hair you can blame your daughter for sucking the estrogen (and beauty) out of you. Breakouts – sure – but that’s just my lot in life when I’m not on the Pill, however, earlier this week (way before reading about this) I noticed that my hair is super dull, so that detail intrigues me. Edge: Girl

Hands. If your hands are drier than normal, it’s a boy. Soft hands mean a girl. Edge: Boy (finally!)

To be continued…Coming in part 2: the “ring on a string” test, and TWO pee tests involving Drano and baking soda. I can only take blogging while I’m at work so far…stay tuned for the results and final tally!

 

 

Lie the fuck down. A bedtime story.

I trust we are all familiar with the modern classic, Go The Fuck To Sleep. If not, get thee to YouTube immediately and check out the audiobook version narrated by Samuel L Jackson. You won’t be disappointed.

What I’m proposing is a version for cat owners whose cats are allowed in the bedroom at night (lest they stand post outside the door and sing the song of their people until dawn). Now, I happen to like snuggling with cats, but some are less disruptive than others. Gemma is light on her paws, and gingerly tiptoes around the foot of the bed so as not to disturb you. Twitchy stands on your face. He requires use of your pillow – for his ass. He uses his claws to see if you are really asleep. He brings his nose to your nose and heavy purr-breathes into your mouth. He repeatedly jumps on and off the bed with the grace and agility of a sumo wrestler, prompting my sleepy bedmate to launch into a halfhearted rendition of Wrecking Ball. Twitchy, needs to lie the fuck down. If I haven’t mumbled this phrase a thousand times at 3 am, I haven’t said it once.

I have to say, pre-Perry this wasn’t much of a problem for me because I NEVER used to wake up at night. Honestly, I once slept through my house being robbed. Thankfully, because I really wouldn’t have wanted to deal with all that. Now that I have to pee every few hours, I have the pleasure of bonding with Mr. T in all his nocturnal glory. He is in heaven, I am in a hell of my own making and my husband is singing Miley Cyrus songs. I think this is what the kids mean when they say the struggle is real.