A series of uncomfortable events

As you may be able to guess from the title, this one is all about our big, old fashioned family Christmas vacation.

Psych! No, it’s not. And my husband probably just had a heart attack. Although I can’t let it go unsaid that I vividly fantasized about clubbing my father-in-law with a yuletide log when he cheerfully reminded me that I “still have three more months to go!” and that, going by his wife’s experiences, I “should have a ton of energy!” as I was lying on the floor trying to release a seized-up back muscle the day I was puking (from a weird 24-hour stomach bug) and had fallen (on motherfucking treacherous ice outside our charming little mountain-town rental). Anyways…family holidays are magical.

Breathe and refocus. The title is actually just a phrase I used to describe pregnancy in general to my sister- and brother-in-law over a brunch of what is quite possibly the world’s best french toast and a true holiday highlight. Well, I’m not sure it was my exact wording, because the french toast was really distracting, but it was something along those lines.

Overall, I have very little to complain about (and yet I will) because it’s not that my pregnancy has been particularly problematic, painful or difficult in any serious way. Nonetheless, I’d still say that I’m vaguely, in some way, at least a little bit uncomfortable a good, oh, 75% of the time. Of course, the 25% of the time that I feel really good is always in the comfort of my own home and never when it would actually be super helpful to feel good – like in a client meeting, on a plane or stuck in my desk at work. And nearly every day brings at least one moment of, “Great, so my body does THAT now. Awesome.”

Like, you start getting sharp pains when you sit up (or get up) too quickly. Cool, so that’s a thing. Your leg/hip sort of “gives out” when you make certain movements. Right on. Your lower back/pelvis hurts or feels weak or unstable almost all the time. Sweet, that’s normal now. The list goes on. And it’s always a moving target. Just as you get used to “what’s normal now”, a new little niggling symptom appears or an old one disappears.

Currently, my biggest complaints are heartburn / acid reflux type issues when I lie down, and the general sense that all my organs are undergoing a massive reorganization. My stomach feels like it is somewhere up by the top of my ribs and my lungs do not like walking up two or more flights of stairs. Consider this handy GIF that illustrates what I am feeling happening:

How a woman's internal organs move when she's pregnant

Slightly disturbing, no? Other than that, I’m not really digging the heaviness – literally, not metaphorically. While the weight gain and change in body shape isn’t the most esthetically pleasing proposition, it’s actually more about how it feels than how it looks. Now that my bump has officially popped out and I’ve gained about 17 lbs, I’m starting to feel heavy and awkward. Bending over sorta sucks. Putting on shoes/boots sorta sucks. Getting up from lying on your back sorta sucks. Basically, your body just feels weighed-down, sluggish and less nimble than it normally does. Which also makes you feel less confident and capable. Which then makes you feel less attractive as much (or more so) as your reflection in the mirror dictates. At least for me.

On the bright side, feeling the baby kick is still pretty fun. She’s big enough now to pack a solid punch/kick/flip (CONSTANTLY), but not so big yet that she’s actually causing any discomfort. At my check-up today all was well, measurements are normal and her little ticker is pumping away at 136 bpm. I also learned that I am officially in my third trimester now (!!!), so the thought of being in the homestretch is helpful.

A quick word on why I suck before I go: As many of you have reminded me, I have not been the best at keeping up with blog posts lately. I could offer up a myriad of excuses: Christmas holidays, work, company, etc. etc. but the boring truth is that I’m just lazy sometimes (often) and over the last few weeks it’s been a bit of a struggle to sit in my desk at work and pretend to be a creative writer, let alone to face the computer when I get home and again, pretend to have the creative energy to come up with anything worth the effort of typing. I think that’s an inherent problem with maintaining a creative side project when you have a creative day job. Sometimes, there’s just nothing left over to give.

2 thoughts on “A series of uncomfortable events

  1. I watch that video at least once a week, and have shown it to all of my childless female and male co-workers. I can’t help it, I want them all to know that this is why my skin is bad, I can’t be bothered to brush my hair and I have zero fucks left to give about pretty much anything. Because my liver is my throat and my kidneys are wrapped around my spine.
    It is both the best and the worst thing.


  2. Don’t be so hard on yourself! We’re conditioned to pretend that we all love what’s happening to our bodies all of the time and so it’s hard to say that sometimes it’s not fun even though we love our babies and find their movements proof that all is well and we are anxious to have them. It’s ok!


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